February is the month of love and so it got me to thinking … what is the secret behind how to keep the romance alive after kids? When it feels like both of you are being pulled in multiple directions at all times, it can be easy to put less effort into your relationship. I am by no means an expert on this matter and some days I still feel like I am wearing my ‘L’ plates. That’s despite being with my husband for almost 14 years!
So what do you do when you don’t have all of the answers? Consult with your fellow parenting bloggers of course! The most common answer I received is that everybody is indeed knackered by the end of the day. And yes, it is very difficult to make time for one another. However, everyone thinks it is really important to keep on top of their relationship. Keep reading for the collective insights and advice on how to keep the romance alive after kids.
Date Night
This year I have committed to organising more date nights. And my fellow parenting bloggers also mentioned the importance of scheduling regular dates with their loves ones.
I actively plan in date nights in our diary to make sure we have something to look forward to that is just for the two of us. Laura, Luckypretty
I’d suggest thinking outside of the box when it comes to ‘date night‘. It doesn’t have to be the traditional dinner and drinks. Perhaps breakfast or lunch would work better whilst the kids are at school or in childcare. Or if you have support available, perhaps you can even steal a few days away together? Whatever it might be, some one on one time away from the kids is imperative for a healthy relationship.
Be Kind To Each Other
Parenthood is exhausting. And when we are tired and busy, it is very easy to be grumpy and nit pick with your loved ones. So whilst it sounds super obvious, try to be kind to each other. Help each other where possible and don’t criticise each other’s techniques for parenting or stacking the dishwasher. Instilling a sense of calm in your household will allow you to relax and enjoy each others company when you are alone. After all, you are both on this crazy journey together. So support each other in getting through the good and bad moments of the day.
Make An Effort
The honeymoon period will (most likely) be well and truly over by the time there are kids in the midst. I’m sure there was a time when everyday felt like a romantic movie. But chances are you may need to make a little more effort these days. Whether that be through kind gestures, little gifts or being intimate (you could even try pheromones for men). I don’t think you should look at it as a negative, but rather that you are investing in your future together. One day it will likely be back to just the two of you, and its important to remember why that was so special.
Oh and to all you mamas out there, if you need some inspiration then here are my tips on feeling sexy after motherhood.
Find Time That Suits Your Schedule
There is no denying that juggling kids, jobs, households, hobbies and friendships takes a lot of time and effort. Every household’s commitments and calendars will look completely different so don’t compare yourself to others. Find a time that suits your schedule to have some one on one time with your partner.
Marishka at Mom Just Saying mentioned that she and her husband now wake at 4am to watch the sun rise together, share their dreams and talk to each other. They only have an hour or so before their 4 children wake, so they make the most of it!
Seek Out Your Own Interests
How many times have you heard the phrase “you have to love yourself before others will love you“? Therefore, an important ingredient to keeping the spark alive is to seek out your own interests and to maintain a bit of yourself amongst the chaos. Martina from Empty Nest Mummy says how she is trying hard to develop more hobbies and interests of her own now that the kids are at school. This gives her more non-kid related things to talk about with her husband when they have time alone.
Laugh Together
Laughter is the best therapy, right? Well that’s how Jacqui at One Messy Mama keeps the spark alive in her relationship. She said it’s important to them that they try to laugh together daily.
It doesn’t matter what is going on around us, we make time for laughing. Whether at each other or ourselves. We play pranks on one another, we steal kisses in the kitchen to our children’s disgust (which makes them and us laugh). I guess we still enjoy acting like teenagers!
So there you have it, a few simple tips and techniques as to how to keep the romance alive after children. What do you and your partner do to keep the spark alive post kids – I would love to know your thoughts. Happy Valentine’s Day – Shell x
23 Responses
I love this! My partner and me haven’t spent any quality time together in years. In fact our last time alone together was when I was I labour with my second child – and she’s nearly 3! LOL. We do try to laugh together everyday though. Maybe we’ll make this year the year we try to schedule in some dating time. #DreamTeam
We’d love to have a regular date night but my OH’s work hours are just too erratic so our date nights tend to consist of takeaway and detective drama repeats! #TwinklyTuesday
To be fair, we do a lot of nice dinners at home (cook up or takeaway) and choose a good bottle of wine we have been saving to share. Followed by our fave shows on Netflix. That one on one time together is really lovely 🙂
Sad to say I think our romantic times get less and less year on year, month on month and week on week. I remember happy times but we seem to have few of those these days. I try. I fail. But good luck to all those having an amazing Valentines season #DreamTeam
I hope you manage to find a little time for some romance soon – there is no doubting that it is much more difficult with kids in the picture! x
These are really lovely ideas. Especially making time for a date night (or day). I hadn’t really thought about scheduling outside of the box and picking a breakfast/lunch date instead. Yes, it would require some planning with full time working parents, but even if it was once every 6 months that you went out out, that’s still something 🙂 Thank you for joining us with such a thoughtful post. #DreamTeam xx
Thanks for your lovely feedback Annette! I hope you manage to find some one on one time with that special person in your life very soon xx
We find this particularly difficult – I don’t know if having kids with additional needs makes it harder but it sometimes feel like there is more to do for them than would be normal at this time in a marriage and it really has an impact. #kcacols
Its a tough stage of life that no one really prepares you for … or perhaps we didn’t believe them?!? Let alone with the added challenge of kids whom have additional needs. I hope you can find a little time out together soon xx
I think having time just the two of you is so important. And always make the most of special occasions like anniversaries. Don’t let them fall be the wayside. #KCACOLS
Oh yes, I definitely agree about special occasions although we are a bit guilty of just treating it like another day. However as my daughter is now starting to understand celebrations, I want her to see us celebrating and realizing it is an important part of life 🙂
I love your suggestions. Although my hubby and I are now empty-nesters, and every night seems like a date night, even if we just snuggle up on the couch with popcorn and a movie, the reminders to “be kind” and “laugh together” are so important. I would add “show appreciation”! 🙂
I can imagine it really does feel like date night every night! There must be a new found appreciation for it once the kids have left home, even if you miss them! Showing appreciation is also a great one – thank you x
Such a challenge. My son is 18 months and it is so difficult to spend any time together with the wife without him running about wrecking everything! He was even ill on Valentine’s Day meaning our world had to focus entirely on him!
#KCACOLS
There is no denying it is tough and when they are sick, it is even worse. My daughter has been sick recently so I sympathize with you. Hopefully you can lock in a babysitter sooner rather than later and enjoy a few hours together 🙂
A lot of good reminders here. I think that sometimes we get so caught up in being parents that we forget how to be a partner to somebody #KCACOLS
We definitely get caught up in being parents as it is very all consuming! If we can remember to take a little time out each day for ourselves and to share with our partner, I think life would be a bit better for everyone.
Making time and making them feel important or special is a big part of it. There’s so much in the juggle that sometimes it’s just a texted kiss out of the blue that brings a smile…#KCACOLS
I couldn’t agree more! We should never disregard the importance of random acts of kindness.
We very rarely have time together just the two of us, and our 12 year old (severely autistic) boy has never been a good sleeper so there isn’t time available in the evenings or mornings either. So I’d say the traditional concept of romance has gone out the window, but we make a pretty good team. And this week it’s 25 years since we first met and fell in love, so we’ve got ‘stick-at-it-ness’ if nothing else!
For parents in a more ‘normal’ situation (whatever normal is), I think there’s plenty of good advice in this post though 🙂
Thanks so much for linking up with #KCACOLS, hope you come back again next time! x
Sounds like you are an incredible team! I was listening to a podcast this week and a woman had mentioned that sticking out the tough years with young children has built a solid relationship for her and her husband. Now that the kids are grown up, they are stronger and happier than ever 🙂