February is the month of love and so it got me to thinking … what is the secret behind how to keep the romance alive after kids? When it feels like both of you are being pulled in multiple directions at all times, it can be easy to put less effort into your relationship. I am by no means an expert on this matter and some days I still feel like I am wearing my ‘L’ plates. That’s despite being with my husband for almost 14 years!
So what do you do when you don’t have all of the answers? Consult with your fellow parenting bloggers of course! The most common answer I received is that everybody is indeed knackered by the end of the day. And yes, it is very difficult to make time for one another. However, everyone thinks it is really important to keep on top of their relationship. Keep reading for the collective insights and advice on how to keep the romance alive after kids.
This year I have committed to organising more date nights. And my fellow parenting bloggers also mentioned the importance of scheduling regular dates with their loves ones.
I actively plan in date nights in our diary to make sure we have something to look forward to that is just for the two of us. Laura, Luckypretty
I’d suggest thinking outside of the box when it comes to ‘date night‘. It doesn’t have to be the traditional dinner and drinks. Perhaps breakfast or lunch would work better whilst the kids are at school or in childcare. Or if you have support available, perhaps you can even steal a few days away together? Whatever it might be, some one on one time away from the kids is imperative for a healthy relationship.
Be Kind To Each Other
Parenthood is exhausting. And when we are tired and busy, it is very easy to be grumpy and nit pick with your loved ones. So whilst it sounds super obvious, try to be kind to each other. Help each other where possible and don’t criticise each other’s techniques for parenting or stacking the dishwasher. Instilling a sense of calm in your household will allow you to relax and enjoy each others company when you are alone. After all, you are both on this crazy journey together. So support each other in getting through the good and bad moments of the day.
Make An Effort
The honeymoon period will (most likely) be well and truly over by the time there are kids in the midst. I’m sure there was a time when everyday felt like a romantic movie. But chances are you may need to make a little more effort these days. Whether that be through kind gestures, little gifts or being intimate (you could even try pheromones for men). I don’t think you should look at it as a negative, but rather that you are investing in your future together. One day it will likely be back to just the two of you, and its important to remember why that was so special.
Oh and to all you mamas out there, if you need some inspiration then here are my tips on feeling sexy after motherhood.
Find Time That Suits Your Schedule
There is no denying that juggling kids, jobs, households, hobbies and friendships takes a lot of time and effort. Every household’s commitments and calendars will look completely different so don’t compare yourself to others. Find a time that suits your schedule to have some one on one time with your partner.
Marishka at Mom Just Saying mentioned that she and her husband now wake at 4am to watch the sun rise together, share their dreams and talk to each other. They only have an hour or so before their 4 children wake, so they make the most of it!
Seek Out Your Own Interests
How many times have you heard the phrase “you have to love yourself before others will love you“? Therefore, an important ingredient to keeping the spark alive is to seek out your own interests and to maintain a bit of yourself amongst the chaos. Martina from Empty Nest Mummy says how she is trying hard to develop more hobbies and interests of her own now that the kids are at school. This gives her more non-kid related things to talk about with her husband when they have time alone.
Laughter is the best therapy, right? Well that’s how Jacqui at One Messy Mama keeps the spark alive in her relationship. She said it’s important to them that they try to laugh together daily.
It doesn’t matter what is going on around us, we make time for laughing. Whether at each other or ourselves. We play pranks on one another, we steal kisses in the kitchen to our children’s disgust (which makes them and us laugh). I guess we still enjoy acting like teenagers!
So there you have it, a few simple tips and techniques as to how to keep the romance alive after children. What do you and your partner do to keep the spark alive post kids – I would love to know your thoughts. Happy Valentine’s Day – Shell x